1983 — Seems a lifetime agoI recently considered joining one of those online dating sites. Jim and I have been together a long time — 30-plus years — and I was just curious. He and I talked about it, and he was curious, too. So we'd both join. Just to see.
What we both were curious about wasn't other fish that might be swimming in the online sea of possibility, but of the possibility that, after all these years together, he and I might be matched with one another. If it's possible that others, including computerized compatibility metrics, would consider us a perfect match.
So I asked Brianna, who had dabbled in the sites a while back, how such sites work, if it would be possible for her parents to sign up under assumed names that only he and I would know and see if we were matched. She laughed and said we could give it a shot, but it's not likely we'd be matched considering how different we are in so many ways, on so many things.
And she's right about the differences. We disagree on many things, sometimes vocally, sometimes stupidly. Yes, we have our differences. For example:
Politics — he votes (for the most part) along party lines; I vote with whomever shows the most common sense, regardless of party. Plus, he likes to talk politics; I don't ... mostly because we can't agree, can't even agree to disagree.
Food — he goes for sweets; I go for salty. he likes Miracle Whip; I like real mayo.
Time — his philosophy: we'll get there when we get there; my philosophy: punctuality is a virtue.
Chit-chat — he likes to exchange small talk with cashiers, doctors, servers; I figure they don't genuinely give a hoot so just shut up finish business as quickly as possible.
Sleep — he likes to sleep late; I like to get up and get going.
Animals — he prefers dogs; I prefer cats.
Closet space — he lines up his shoes and hangs all his clothing facing right; I throw my shoes in a pile and all my clothing faces left.
Drawer space — he folds his socks and undies; I say, "you gotta be kidding" (but he's not).
Driving — he likes to pay no attention to what he should take in everything around him while driving; I like to focus on the road. <ahem>
Chores — he likes to relax first, do chores later; I like to get my chores done then relax.
Quiet — he prefers background (or foreground!) music 24/7; I prefer quiet now and then.
Vacation time — he takes it only if forced (by me); I'll take it any time I can get it.
Vacations — he likes to relax, always; I like to see and do all we can in locations we'll likely never visit again.
Money — let's just say we each handle it our own way and leave it at that.
That's just a small sampling of the differences that loom large in our relationship. So large that Brianna was quite concerned about our proposed online dating experiment.
"If you don't get matched up, are you going to get a divorce?" she asked. In all seriousness. Surprisingly serious considering it came from a nearly 30-year-old adult, not a youngster needlessly worrying Mommy and Daddy might not live together anymore.
"Of course not," I assured her, explaining that on the big things, we agree.
"Like what?" she asked, with disbelief I could offer any.
So I listed them. A list far shorter than the ones on which we disagree. But here it is: We agree wholeheartedly on issues related to faith, home, and family. A tiny list, but a list of the things that matter. The only things that matter, ultimately.
In explaining that to Brianna and later considering our conversation, I realized there was no need to experiment with online dating sites to see if Jim and I might be matched. It doesn't matter. Whether others — or computers — consider us a good match is irrelevant. Because we know we are. And that we will continue to be. Always. Forever. Because although we don't agree on much, there's no question that we agree on what matters: faith, home, and family.
Oh, and we agree on one more ever-so-important matter: movies. And a shared distaste for those featuring Jim Carrey. Or the word "Saw" in the title.
So there we have it. Match made. Curiosity quelled.
Bottom line: There's no need to consult dating sites, no need to look elsewhere. Regardless of stats and compatibility, Jim and I will continue to look only at the road we've chosen. Together. Forever.
Case closed.
(Although I just gotta add that I will be doing most of the driving down that particular road, of course, because his eyes tend to wander when at the wheel. Just saying. Okay, okay ... we won't go there ... at least not this time ... not this post.)
Today's question:
How are (or were) you most alike and most different from your partner?
