Mismatch mishmash

1983 — Seems a lifetime agoI recently considered joining one of those online dating sites. Jim and I have been together a long time — 30-plus years — and I was just curious. He and I talked about it, and he was curious, too. So we'd both join. Just to see.

What we both were curious about wasn't other fish that might be swimming in the online sea of possibility, but of the possibility that, after all these years together, he and I might be matched with one another. If it's possible that others, including computerized compatibility metrics, would consider us a perfect match.

So I asked Brianna, who had dabbled in the sites a while back, how such sites work, if it would be possible for her parents to sign up under assumed names that only he and I would know and see if we were matched. She laughed and said we could give it a shot, but it's not likely we'd be matched considering how different we are in so many ways, on so many things.

And she's right about the differences. We disagree on many things, sometimes vocally, sometimes stupidly. Yes, we have our differences. For example:

Politics — he votes (for the most part) along party lines; I vote with whomever shows the most common sense, regardless of party. Plus, he likes to talk politics; I don't ... mostly because we can't agree, can't even agree to disagree.

Food — he goes for sweets; I go for salty. he likes Miracle Whip; I like real mayo.

Time — his philosophy: we'll get there when we get there; my philosophy: punctuality is a virtue.

Chit-chat — he likes to exchange small talk with cashiers, doctors, servers; I figure they don't genuinely give a hoot so just shut up finish business as quickly as possible.

Sleep — he likes to sleep late; I like to get up and get going.

Animals — he prefers dogs; I prefer cats.

Closet space — he lines up his shoes and hangs all his clothing facing right; I throw my shoes in a pile and all my clothing faces left.

Drawer space — he folds his socks and undies; I say, "you gotta be kidding" (but he's not).

Driving — he likes to pay no attention to what he should take in everything around him while driving; I like to focus on the road. <ahem>

Chores — he likes to relax first, do chores later; I like to get my chores done then relax.

Quiet — he prefers background (or foreground!) music 24/7; I prefer quiet now and then.

Vacation time — he takes it only if forced (by me); I'll take it any time I can get it.

Vacations — he likes to relax, always; I like to see and do all we can in locations we'll likely never visit again.

Money — let's just say we each handle it our own way and leave it at that.

That's just a small sampling of the differences that loom large in our relationship. So large that Brianna was quite concerned about our proposed online dating experiment.

"If you don't get matched up, are you going to get a divorce?" she asked. In all seriousness. Surprisingly serious considering it came from a nearly 30-year-old adult, not a youngster needlessly worrying Mommy and Daddy might not live together anymore.

"Of course not," I assured her, explaining that on the big things, we agree.

"Like what?" she asked, with disbelief I could offer any.

So I listed them. A list far shorter than the ones on which we disagree. But here it is: We agree wholeheartedly on issues related to faith, home, and family. A tiny list, but a list of the things that matter. The only things that matter, ultimately.

In explaining that to Brianna and later considering our conversation, I realized there was no need to experiment with online dating sites to see if Jim and I might be matched. It doesn't matter. Whether others — or computers — consider us a good match is irrelevant. Because we know we are. And that we will continue to be. Always. Forever. Because although we don't agree on much, there's no question that we agree on what matters: faith, home, and family.

Oh, and we agree on one more ever-so-important matter: movies. And a shared distaste for those featuring Jim Carrey. Or the word "Saw" in the title.

So there we have it. Match made. Curiosity quelled.

Bottom line: There's no need to consult dating sites, no need to look elsewhere. Regardless of stats and compatibility, Jim and I will continue to look only at the road we've chosen. Together. Forever.

Case closed.

(Although I just gotta add that I will be doing most of the driving down that particular road, of course, because his eyes tend to wander when at the wheel. Just saying. Okay, okay ... we won't go there ... at least not this time ... not this post.)

Today's question:

How are (or were) you most alike and most different from your partner?

Guest post: Grandparents can be fun AND consistent

“Mommy lets me stay up late”: How you can have fun and be consistent as a grandparent

by Mary Albert

Grandparenting is a lot of fun. I have a great time with my grandchildren when they come to visit, no matter what we end up doing. Even a lazy day around the house becomes much more entertaining when you’ve got kids to keep you busy.

I struggled, at first, because I didn’t know the rules and etiquette of being a grandparent. I have learned a few things, though, and it has made a world of difference.

I guarantee the first time that I kept my oldest grandson, David, overnight he was old enough to pull the ‘but Mommy lets me’ routine, and I was gullible enough to fall for it. I wanted to be fun, after all, and I didn’t realize that it was a bad thing. I learned quickly that this is NOT the way to do things.

You have to be consistent and make sure that you follow the rules that the parents have set forth. Not only was David not allowed to stay up past 8:00 on Fridays (he was 7 at the time), but there were other rules I accidentally broke during that visit as well. There wasn’t any permanent damage, but I did create a little tension with my daughter that could have been avoided.

You’re a grandparent and it’s supposed to be fun. However, kids need structure and they need to respect you. If you give into their every whim and don’t follow the rules that their parents have, you’re going to create a difficult situation for yourself and the kids.

I still give my grandkids cookies before dinner and take them to get ice cream for no reason at all, but I do try to follow the basic rules that my daughters have set out for them so that I don’t get the kids too spoiled.

Trust me; it’s better to be a fun grandparent that follows the rules than to have grandkids who are too spoiled to really appreciate your time together.

Mary Albert is a blogger for a senior lifestyle web site that provides advice for the 55+ age group as well as information on medical alert systems.

Photo: stock.xchng

Today's question:

What rule(s) do you break on a regular basis, with grandkids or otherwise?

Better late than never: Thanking a Grilled Grandma

When I was first laid off from my newspaper job in December of 2008, this week's Grilled Grandma, Anne, helped me out immensely. She helped me see that there were indeed writing jobs I could do from home, and even helped me secure a couple that added to my coffers.

Anne doesn't know she helped me. In fact, she didn't know me, and I didn't know her. I knew only her website, AboutFreelanceWriting.com, and the market and job listings she posted daily. I visited daily, took her advice daily, searched for work daily. Despite the help she gave, I never met her. And I never thanked her.

Which is why I was so pleased Anne recently wrote me nominating herself to be a Grilled Grandma. I was thrilled. Of course I jumped at the chance to feature this woman who selflessly helps writers all across the country, heck, maybe even all across the globe.

So today I offer up Grilled Grandma: Anne. Please read her grilling and visit her blogs. She's a smart lady with lots to offer — not only to her grandchildren, but to her readers, too.

And for that, I offer my official thanks: Thank you, Anne! Unbeknownst to you until this very moment, you made a difference in my life. Thank you!

Today's question:

Who in your life deserves a big "Thank you!" today?

Lone cascarón

Once upon a time, I was a Girl Scout leader. During the eight years I was privileged to warp shape the minds of little Daisies and Brownies, my troops and I engaged in awesome — and some not-so-awesome — activities. One that I remember each year around Easter is the creating of the cascarones. It was one of the most successful crafts of my tenure.

Cascarones, as I enlightened my followers, are confetti-filled eggshells (cáscaras) broken over the heads of others to bring good luck. It's a popular tradition of the Hispanic culture, often seen at weddings and especially at Easter time.

Cascarones are pretty simple to make. Here are the steps and some photos:

1. To hollow out an egg, gently whack the smaller end of a raw egg with a knife to create a wedge for prying off the end.

2. Gently remove the end of the shell, creating a hole about the size of a 50-cent piece.

3. Gently remove the raw egg inside by letting it drop into a container.

4. Gently (yes, "gently" is the key to most of these steps!) rinse out the egg, using your finger (gently) to remove any egg white sticking to the shell. Set aside to dry.

5. Once the egg is completely dry, decorate the outside as desired. Gently, of course. A simple method with children is to use markers, as I did (hastily) with this example. Some traditionalists color the egg with commercial egg dyes typically used to color Easter eggs. Don't decorate with stickers as they prevent the shell from breaking during the fun.

6. Fill the decorated egg with confetti. Packaged glitter confetti from a craft store is best because it's most gleefully messy festive. Or use a hole punch or paper shredder (the "cross-cut" ones work great!) to make your own from colored paper.

7. Using a glue stick, carefully line the edge of the hole and glue a square of tissue paper over the hole. Allow glue to dry completely. Store egg in a safe place until the festivities.

The year of the Girl Scout cascarones, my family stepped out onto the front lawn Easter afternoon to crack wishes of good luck upon one another's noggins. We laughed and loved and left layers of confetti in the grass. Tidbits of good tidings were visible through the blades of green grass for months. Years after, a glint of gold or green confetti would often catch my eye as I sat on the porch swing, swaying and smiling as I remembered the multiple cascarones we cracked that festive Easter.

This year, I have one lone cascarón. Made for this post. With only a single egg to crack upon the head of a loved one, I'm considering which of those I'll be spending Easter Day with most needs a smack upside the head dose of good luck. Jim, Brianna, and Andrea best beware.

Unless, that is, a little Googling reveals the cascarones tradition has no rules discouraging the cracking of the goodies upon one's own head. Because these days, I'll take good luck any darn way I can get it!

Today's question:

What special memories do you have of decorating Easter eggs?

15 things I look forward to as a grandma

As a relatively new grandma — and a long-distance one at that — I often feel like I've yet to get the full grandma experience. I've not yet had the joy of many activities, events and more that I hear about from other grandmas.

Typical grandma happenings I've heard about, that I look forward to experiencing include (but are far from limited to):

• Pre-holiday activities with the grandchildren: coloring Easter eggs, carving Jack-o-lanterns, trimming the Christmas tree.

• Attending school programs.

• "Thank you, Gramma" phone calls, e-mails, cards.

• Impromptu visits to Gramma's house.

• Working together in Gramma's pumpkin patch.

• Taking a youngster shopping for the perfect gift for Mom and Dad.

• Grandparents Day at school.

• Being introduced by a grandchild to his or her friends.

• Grandma camp.

• Picnics.

• Scary stories in the dark.

• Family vacations.

• Stargazing.

• Artwork to display on Gramma's fridge.

• Phone calls just to say "hello."

I've had incredible visits and awesome moments with Bubby. He's touched my heart like nothing before. I'm just eager for more. I look forward to more — from him and from all my grandchildren I've yet to meet.

Today's question:

What are you looking forward to, personally, professionally or otherwise?