A grandma by any other name?

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Unique boys, normal namesMy name, Lisa, was the No. 1 name given to baby girls during the '60s, according to the Social Security Administration. Which means there are a lot of Grandma Lisas out there. Or soon will be.

The decade before, Mary was the No. 1 name for females. One glance at the list of Grilled Grandmas confirms there certainly are a lot of Grandma Marys — as well as oodles of variations on the name — out there, too.

For both decades as well as the decades before, names in the top 1000 — which according to SSA make up 73 percent of all names for a given period — included more than a few handfuls of Rebeccas, Debras, Patricias, Katherines, Karens, Lauries, Susans, and others (you know who you are), along with variations on all of the above.

Which means, as folks of those decades make up the current generation of grandmas, there are lots of grandmas going by all those names.

Pretty normal, common, reasonable names ... for babies as well as for grandmas.

What I've wondered of late, though, is how normal, common, and reasonable today's crop of names may be ... for babies as well as for the grandmas — and grandpas — they will eventually become.

Take a look at a few of those in the top 1000 for 2010 (which, like I mentioned above, are 73 percent of names given for the year):

For little girls and future grandmas, you've got the basic names such as Isabella, Ava, and Abigail. But then there's Yamileth, Xiamara, Milagros, and more unpronounceable monikers. And those aren't even the ones at the very bottom of the list.

Little boys and future grandpas don't fare much better. Sure, there will always be Jacobs, Daniels, Michaels, and more. New additions, though, include Yair, Keon, Pranav, and Legend. Legend? Are they kidding?

I just don't get it.

But then again, I'm of the year that Cyril and Consuelo were at the bottom of the list. While likely seemingly odd way back in the day, those are now pretty much accepted and common names in the general population. So maybe fifty years from now, when today's newborns become tomorrow's grandparents, Grandma Xiamara won't seem all that strange after all.

Of course, after school years plagued by having to correct others on the pronunciation of her atrocious name, little Xiamara just may change that name the very second she becomes an adult. To something that rolls a little more easily off the tongue, something more pleasant to say and spell and hear.

Something simple.

Something like Lisa.

Today's question:

If you had the opportunity to name a newborn entering your family something completely of your own choosing, what name would you choose?

Bull***t! I'm the grandma!

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As I've grown older, I've become convinced that I've earned a few things, that because I've lived relatively long and fought relatively hard, I now deserve to do what I want, when I want, for whatever reason I want.

Bottom line in my mind: I've learned and earned empowerment, in any and all areas of my life.

Except when it comes to being a grandma, that is.

Yes, I'm the older, the wiser, the more experienced in the crowd known as my family. And yes, I deserve a little respect in that position. But in my short time wearing the grandma hat, I've quickly learned — through my own misplays and mistakes and watching those of others — that empowerment and getting my own way should take backseat to doing what's right for my child, for my grandchildren.

Time and again I've wanted to throw down the gauntlet and say, "Bulls***t! I'm the grandma!" I have, in fact, done exactly that ... only to be quickly put in my place. If not by others, then by my conscience.

Now when tempted to steamroll others with my status, I forcefully remind myself of what consequences may follow uttering the BS refrain:

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I refuse to mince my words regarding the idiotic names under consideration for my grandchild! Yeah, and you'll make the parents more determined to name their child exactly that just to spite you, because that's what kids — even adult kids — do.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I will be in the delivery room when my grandaby is born, regardless of who has asked me to stay out! Yeah, and you'll forever be responsible and remembered for the dark cloud looming over one of your child's most memorable moments.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I will be there to help out when Mom and baby come home from the hospital, regardless of her wishes. Yeah, and you'll create a resentment that's hard to erase.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and that grandbaby of mine needs to be circumsized (or NOT circumsized) and those silly kids darn well better listen to me! Yeah, and you'll soon be told — or should be told — that it's darn well none of your business.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I'll put that baby on its stomach (or give a pacifier, or not give a pacifier, or feed water, or demand toilet training, or keep the kid in diapers) any time I'm the one babysitting that little one! Yeah, and you'll soon no longer be asked to babysit that little one.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma, this is my house, and I'll smoke (or drink or swear or make racist comments) in my own home regardless of who is here. If they don't like it, they don't need to visit. Yeah, and soon they won't.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and I'll give my grandbaby all the gifts I can afford. Yeah, and those gifts will soon not be appreciated — or they'll be put away by Mom and Dad for reasonable rationing.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and that kid is going to learn not to talk back or he's getting a thunk upside the head! Yeah, and thunks upside the head will be what you're remembered for.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and if my grandbaby is hungry, he's gonna get all the snacks he wants! Yeah, and will you be footing the bill — emotional and monetary — related to him eventually being obese and/or ostracized?

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and if I want to give noisy toys that make Mommy and Daddy go bonkers, no one's gonna stop me.Yeah, and those toys will end up mysteriously broken ... or at your house.

Bull***t! I'm the grandma and if the other grandma gets to do that, then I'm doing it, too ... and better! Yeah, and winning — or even engaging in — the grandma-one-upmanship battle leaves only your child and grandchild as the losers.

I've cringed watching other grandmas commit some of the above. And I readily (and shamefully) admit to committing a few myself. In my defense, I'm fairly new to the grandma jig and have not yet gotten the dance down completely. Maybe I never will, as I have no doubt there are many missteps to come.

But I have learned one thing for sure, which is that when it comes to being a grandma, relinquishing my power is one of the most empowering things I can do. For I am the grandma, and as the grandma, I'd much rather be known for my grace than for my grit.

And that is no bull***t.

Photo: From Megan's Facebook page.

Today's question:

Which of the above have you done, seen done, had done to you, cringed over? Any others to add?

Noise, toys, and the boys who love them

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I like to give Bubby a gift each time I see him. As a long-distance grandma who visits with her grandson only a handful of times a year, I don't consider this spoiling him. Plus, the gifts are usually something small, like a book or Hot Wheels car to add to his collections.

Last time I saw Bubby, I also saw Mac for the first time. Which meant bearing gifts for two grandsons for the first time. In light of the occasion, I went a wee bit larger on the gifts.

Bubby's "big-brother gift" was a few hats: a fireman hat, a policeman hat, and a Woody from Toy Story cowboy hat (part of a review costume you can read about HERE, with awesome pics of Cowboy Bubby).

The fireman hat was Bubby's favorite. Not only because firetrucks and the folks who drive them are his favorite people in the world, but because with the flip of a button it made noise. Lots of noise.

Mac's "baby-brother gift" was a more quiet affair: a tummy time mat. It was the only item Megan requested for her newborn as she still had all things baby boy remaining from Bubby.

Yes, Baby Mac is using his tummy-time mat inappropriately here, not on his tummy at all. But we let it slide this time, considering he's just a baby and all.

Both boys seemed content with the toys I gave them. As I went through the 700-plus photos I took during my visit, I came across this video that underscores that. It was meant to be just of Mac making the most of tummy time but inadvertently shows Bubby making the most of his gift from Gramma, too:

I'll be visiting my grandsons again next month (woo-hoo!) and am already considering what gifts I'll bring them. I have one in mind that I think both boys will like, one they can share.

One that is silent.

For Baby Mac's sake.

And for Megan's and Preston's ... to make up for the fireman hat.

Today's question:

How do you feel about toys that make noise?

My, how congenial

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Through blogging, I've met so many folks with passions and pursuits similar to mine. Often the similarities are a love for grandchildren and children. Just as often it's a love for the written word — reading it or writing it. And occasionally I'm fortunate to come across someone with similar tastes in music ... or food ... or television shows that are destined to be cancelled as soon as I take up watching them.

Online more often than off, I've found my kind of people, my kindred spirits. And this week's New Word Wednesday is all about them, for today's word — one I don't use nearly often enough but am now determined to — is:

CONGENIAL (kuhn JEEN yuhl, kuhn JEE nee uhl) adj 1 : having the same nature, disposition, or tastes : kindred (congenial companions) 2 a : existing or associated together harmoniously b : pleasant; especially : agreeably suited to one's nature, tastes, or outlook (a congenial atmosphere) c : sociable, genial (a congenial host) 

The congenial visitors to Grandma's Briefs far outnumber the trolls.


—Definition from Mirriam-Webster; use in a sentence from me

Now, my friends, go forth and be congenial.

 THIS WEEK'S GRILLED GRANDMA:

This week's Grilled Grandma is the epitome of congenial. Head on over to read about Grilled Grandma: Robin and please be congenial to her in return by way of comments, kudos and clicks to her blog. I thank you and I appreciate you, as she surely will, too.

Happy Wednesday!

Today's question:

When saying congenial, do you prefer pronouncing it "kuhn JEEN yuhl" or "kuhn JEE nee uhl"?