The grandma in a box

This post was named People's Choice in the humor category in the 2013 BlogHer Voices of the Year.

A STORY:

Once upon a time there was a woman.

Who had a husband.

And three daughters.

Plus one house, two cats, two dogs, and an addiction to collecting books and pictures of people she loved.

And she had a writing job that had nothing—yet everything—to do with all of the above that she loved.

She liked rock music, independent films, and playing games with her friends—which was usually paired with a wee bit of drinking, too, whiskey or beer but never, ever umbrella drinks of any sort.

The woman also liked learning new things, especially when it came to computers, cameras, cooking and cantatas.

(She also really liked alliteration, so cantatas worked far better in that sentence than piano.)

The woman loved her mom, her dad, her brothers and sisters. She loved Jesus and America, too—as well as stories and songs that turned her heart inside out.

The woman liked the things most women do. No matter what their age.

Eventually the woman’s daughters grew up and flew away. One got married and had two sons.

Which made the woman a grandma. Yet another thing she loved.

So the woman added to her writing job, writing about those grandsons. Writing about them online—along with lots of other things she'd write about—on a blog.

Which was confusing to some.

It wasn't the writing on the blog that confused some, it was the being a grandma. Grandmas are old and know nothing about being online. Or anything interesting at all, for that matter. Grandmas rock in rocking chairs, they hug and kiss their grandkids, they pull up their gray hair into buns. Maybe they crochet. But that's pretty much it.

At least that's what it seemed some non-grandma bloggers thought of grandma bloggers. They’re only grandmas. They’re old. They’re boring. And they’re invisible if there's the G-word in their name, the G-word in their game.

Once a grandma,only a grandma, they thought.

Some unenlightened brands, bloggy networks, and PR folks seemed to think the same thing, too.

If they even thought of grandmas at all.

Other grandmas understood. Other grandma bloggers really understood—even those who didn’t write specifically about their grandchildren, about being a grandma.

The other grandmas understood because all of the grandmas, online and off, were put in the very same box. Were trying to get out of the same box. Together were saying, HEY, you meanies who squished us up into this uncomfortable GRANDMA box: We want out! We love our grandkids way beyond words, but they’re not all we love. Can’t you see we are so much more than grandmas? Can’t you see we are all that we were before? Can't you see that we are now all that AND a bag of potato chips, er, grandmas!

But the non-grandmas didn’t see any of that. They didn't see the woman and her fellow grandmas pounding on the box. All they saw was the word GRANDMA. And the box.

If they saw anything at all.

Every once in a while, someone did see something at all. Mostly it was just the word GRANDMA, though, and they thought the boxed-up grandmas would be happy as clams to talk about canes and assisted living centers and denture cream and gadgets that help them when they’ve fallen and can’t get up.

Those non-grandmas didn’t realize grandmas can and do get up. On their own. And they get down, too. That they're still vibrant and relevant. That they still love music. Still have jobs that have nothing to do with being a grandma, yet love the job of being a grandma, too. They still have spouses and daughters and sons and parents and brothers and sisters and animals and friends and interests.

And that they do all the very same things they did before they became grandmas.

They even—gasp!—still have S-E-X.

And they still talk about and write about things that matter, with people and for people who matter.

So that woman who was now a grandma but still had a husband and three daughters and still really loved all sorts of things non-grandmas think grandmas shouldn't or couldn't like decided to write about being stuck in the GRANDMA box.

In hopes others might see her and her grandma friends in there and let them out.

Or…perhaps they might do nothing at all.

But at least that grandma who loves, loves, loves being a grandma yet is so much more than a grandma would have her say.

Then she ended her plea for release from the GRANDMA box with an oh-so cute photo of her grandsons. Simply because she could.

And to further confuse those non-grandmas who Just. Don't. Get. It. 

THE END

Today's question:

Anyone second that emotion?

Remake America: Getting through tough times together

Times are tough—for many of us, if not all of us. I must admit that the last couple of years have been the most economically difficult ones Jim and I have faced in our 30 years together, due to lost jobs, lost income, lost retirement funds. And we're far from being out of the woods yet.

We're definitely not alone. Yahoo's Remake America web series makes that abundantly clear—while providing hope for all of us. The Remake America weekly video series, an election year initiative that kicked off in March, follows the lives and challenges of six families as they strive to get back on track toward achieving the American dream. The tagline of the show is Real families, real challenges, your solutions as Yahoo! visitors are invited to participate and connect with the families by viewing the weekly episodes then posting comments—advice, opinions, encouragement—for the folks featured. Additionally, experts weigh in on the challenges of the chronicled families.

One great thing—at least as far as instilling hope for struggling grandparents like many of us here on Grandma's Briefs—is that one of the six stories on Remake America is that of grandparents Bill and Donna Clarke (above). The Clarkes face tough challenges similar to what other baby boomers may be currently working through.

For many years, Bill and Donna lived “the American dream.” They provided well for their three children, owned two homes, traveled the world. Then Bill suffered a stroke. He could no longer work the corporate position he'd held for years, so he and Donna decided to open their own hardware business. They used their retirement funds and now, thanks to the economy bringing their livelihood to the brink of collapse, Bill and Donna are struggling, to say the least. Difficult as it is facing home foreclosure and more, matters are made worse as their daughter Erin, a single mom of three-year-old twins who's featured along with them in "Remake America" episodes, faces losing her home as well.

The Clarkes were one of the families chosen for Remake America because their story was so impactful, says DeAndrà Harrison of DKC Public Relations, Marketing & Government Affairs, a representative for Remake America. After the tragedy of his stroke, "Bill had a second chance, instead of just saving his money and surviving, he put it all in a business that he had no idea would be successful. They have been struggling to hold on to that 'second chance' ever since."

You might think viewing Bill and Donna's struggles would be depressing, but the Clarkes express surprising hope and optimism. I had the opportunity to ask a few questions of Bill, and his responses show the same positive attitude he and his family exude in the Remake America episodes, despite the challenges they face and difficult choices they must make.

Grandma’s Briefs: In what ways has it been difficult for you to share your circumstances and challenges (hardships with business, foreclosure of home, etc) with strangers online?
Bill Clarke: It has not been difficult sharing our situation with strangers. Once we first made the decision to participate, we did not look back!

GB: What have been the positive outcomes of your experience with Remake America? What are some of the negative outcomes?
BC: The overall experience has been very positive. We would definitely do it again. Thanks to RA, our business really has a chance to survive. I feel overwhelmed with the support we have gotten from so many strangers. It's just great to see Americans helping Americans.  I am surprised at the communications I get about us being an inspiration to other small business owners. The only negative part is some of the comments, but we try to not let that bother us.

GB: How has your situation affected your time as a grandparent?
BC: I just don't have the time I wish I did to spend with my grandchildren. I just missed Erin's twins' birthday party. I hate that. I felt I missed a lot with my own kids because of my job, and here I go again!

GB: What do you hope your children and grandchildren learn from you documenting your challenges?
BC: I hope my grandchildren and others watching learn to keep praying, and keep swimming. With the help of God, and lots of hard work, anything is possible.

GB: Your daughter Erin is facing financial difficulties of her own and is also featured in Remake America episodes. How does it feel to be going through the tough times at the same time as your daughter?
BC: I hate not being able to help my daughter financially. It is very difficult watching her struggle, and know I can do little to help. I just have to trust in her heavenly father.

GB: What have you learned about yourselves—personally and as a couple—from your health and financial struggles as well as by being featured on Remake America that you would not have learned otherwise?
BC: I have learned what I already knew, that my wife is terrific. She has been through so much since my stroke. It has been so wonderful to have her at my side.

You can view the most recent Remake America episode featuring Bill and Donna Clarke HERE. Be sure to view previous episodes, too, to learn their story from the beginning. And don't hesitate to leave comments for Bill and Donna. They may be the grandparents being featured, but we're all going through these economic struggles together, and a little encouragement and hope goes a long way toward recovery for us all.

Remake America is part of Destination 2012, Yahoo! News’ yearlong elections program. Find out more and catch up episodes featuring the Clarkes as well as the stories of the five other families featured by visiting Remake America on Yahoo!

Photo credit: Anna Naphtali Photography

Disclosure: I was not compensated in any way for this post.

Today's question:

What advice has best helped you get through difficult economic times, past or present?

Running the Tough Grand Mudder

There is a hardcore obstacle course event my daughters, my son-in-law, and many of Jim's and my nephews—and thousands of other unrelated but equally crazy competitive athletic sorts—hope to one day run. The Tough Mudder adventure series bills itself as "probably the toughest event on the planet" and it looks like this:

Last week I ran my own Tough Mudder of sorts. I call it the Tough Grand Mudder. It was a test of stamina, strength, grit, grace, and ultimate grandma skills as Bubby and Baby Mac, along with their parents, traveled over the river, through the woods, out of the desert and up to the mountains to spend the Christmas holiday at Gramma's house. Those who run the Tough Mudder have their strength and stamina tested in one day; this grandma's event ran pert near six days. (Take that, Tough Mudders!)

For much of the Tough Grand Mudder I was merely a secondary team member for when Megan was around, she served as Ultimate Champion and I her wingman. There were, though, many events I ran alone, as Megan and Preston took Gramma up on offers to babysit while they participated elsewhere in shopping, dining, happy-houring, and movie-going events. Whether running solo or accompanying Megan, fact remains that for nearly six days I braved not mud but harrowing liquids of another sort spewed, spilled and squirted from a three-and-a-half-year-old and a seven-month-old, in addition to braving obstacles and challenges sure to trip up even the most built and most brave of the Tough Mudder competitors.

A small sampling of my Tough Grand Mudder challenges:

• The solo event of spooning pureed bananas into the mouth of the youngest grandson while the other called from the bathroom, "Gramma, I'm done, I need wiped" then dashing to do the wiping, washing hands, and racing back to the child left alone in the highchair in record time.

• Tag-team bath time of two kiddos in the tub, Mommy doing the scrubbing and shampooing while Gramma photographed the session, then the hand off of Mommy taking youngest, Grammy taking oldest, then getting both dried, lotioned, dressed while the desert-bred babes shivered. (One run-through featured more liquid than inticipated—due not to the bath water but to a delay in diapering.)

• Another solo event requiring Gramma to entertain oldest grandson while changing a disgustingly stinky diaper on the baby then dash up a flight of stairs, out the front door, off to the garbage can to dispose of the disgustingly stinky diaper outside as it reeked far too much to keep inside then race back with mind-blowing speed in hopes of getting down the stairs before Baby Speedy Gonzalez entered unsafe zones of the family room. (Yes, baby could have been toted for the trip outdoors but with temps below freezing, that wouldn't be a wise route to take.)

• A family event in which all but baby sit down for dinner in the dining room and take turns taking a bite then quickly dropping utensils and jumping up to move baby away from the Christmas tree in the adjacent living room. Bonus points went to Gramma, Daddy, and Aunt B for being the only ones to actively participate in this event.

• Another solo event of attempting to make breakfast while oldest grandson requested every pot and pan (plus a few bowls) along with magical mixing utensils for banging then proceeded to set up a baking-and-banging shop for himself and his brother at Gramma's feet in the kitchen.

• Cleaning up after holiday meals while dodging a three-and-a-half-year-old racing through the living room, dining room, and kitchen while pushing his monster truck in the noisiest Monster Truck Race of the Century. Required consistent "Ready...Set...Go!" starting-line shouts from Gramma (and others) as well as appropriate cheers and awarding of trophies at the finish line...again and again and again.

• Feeding the baby a bottle while, for the three-and-a-half-year-old, making popcorn in Gramma's old-timey popcorn machine, serving it up in festive popcorn cups, and getting a sufficiently attention-grabbing flick going on the big screen. Another solo event—one in which feeding the baby his bottle was put on hold far more often than he appreciated.

• Non-stop chasing and non-stop redirecting of the quickest seven-month-old non-stop crawler, non-stop climber, non-stop curiosity seeker this grandma—probably this entire country—has ever seen.

I did all those events. And more. Maybe not with the best time, maybe not with the greatest of grace and ease, but I did them. I admit there were a few major events outlined in the original course that I couldn't fit in—making a snowman with Bubby, taking him to the PJB restaurant and to the soda shop, to name a few—but I completed the majority of the course as originally set. And—something I'm sure Tough Mudders cannot lay claim to—I even managed to get a blog post published each and every day during the event.

Competitors who complete the Tough Mudder likely get a T-shirt, possibly a medal, and they surely leave exhausted but with an immense sense of incredible accomplishment. I was handed no T-shirt, no medal for completing the Tough Grand Mudder. My rewards were far better—hugs and kisses, "I love you"s and "Thank you"s and giggles and grins galore. Plus photos, lots and lots of photos. And I, like the Tough Mudders, was utterly exhausted at the end but felt an immense sense of incredible accomplishment.

I've heard—and have seen in my daughters—that participating in running events and athletic challenges can be addicting. I now understand the addiction, the attraction. There's another Tough Grand Mudder event scheduled for the end of January, this time in the desert. My battle cry? Sign me up! I'm one tough grandmudder and I'm ready for more!

Today's question:

What was your biggest challenge over the holidays?