Predictable me

If you have kids in your circle of influence, you're likely well acquainted with Gru, Vector and minions of myriad mannerisms.

Yes, I'm talking about the characters from Despicable Me.

While I had no familiarity with the Gru crew until Despicable Me 2 came out and I had the pleasure of viewing it at the theater with Bubby and Mac, I'm far more familiar with a similar sort I like to call... Predictable Me.

That would be, ahem, me. Try as I might to be mysterious and unpredictable in hopes of living a life large and thus worth writing (and reading) about, I'm pretty boring. And predictable.

A few examples:

Predictable Me's Proof of Predictability

• When visiting my grandsons, we always read bedtime stories together.

• I sit in the same general area — preferably the exact same seats — each time I go to church or the movie theater. (I blame it on Jim, but that's only half true.)

• Frittatas are my go-to meal when I don't know what to make for dinner.

• Talk of having a million dollars always includes mention of a monkey. And a dress any color but green.

• My feelings are hurt each time I ask Megan about experiences Bubby and Mac recently had with their other grandma and great-grandma — the fun, active grandmas who get to do more than just babysit.

• No matter how much or how little my mealtime glass has been filled, I will not finish the entire glass. And I don't drink until I'm done with the meal — which is perhaps why I don't finish it.

• My gift wish list always includes candles, books, cool socks and coffee.

• When in a conflict or argument with a family member, once things simmer down and I've walked away, hung up or stopped texting, I will inevitably return moments later with, "There's one last thing I just have to say about this and then I'm not saying anything else!"

• If I get up early so I have plenty of time to prepare before leaving for an event or trip, I always end up running behind... because I fritter away all the extra time I built in as I assume I have so much extra time.

• I tear up every time I hear Adele sing Someone Like You. Or Sinead O' Connor sing Three Babies.

• And I weep a tad every time I watch The Voice. Not because my favorite "voices" lose battles but because there's always at least one voice in each episode so passionate it brings me to tears.

• I strain my head to look out the vehicle's passenger side window when I'm not the driver. Not because there's anything interesting out there but because everyone else's driving scares the <cuss> out of me.

• When dining on restaurant food with friends or family — whether at the restaurant or carry out — I ask those with me, "How is your ______." Maybe I'm a pig who wants a bite of theirs. Or maybe I'm a Mom who wants to ensure everyone is satisfied.

• I take it personally when no one responds to me during Twitter chats and parties even though I tell myself not to and promise myself I won't.

• When I'm at a loss for something wise and witty to write about, I compose a list.

• I always end conversations, phone calls, emails, letters and texts with the folks I care most about with some version of I love you. Plus an emoticon/graphic/emoji goodie, when possible.

That's it. End of list. Thanks for reading.

Love ya! ♥

Oh, and Happy Halloween!

Today's question:

In what ways are you predictable?

You get what you need when you need it most

What I learned this week

Maybe it was the fact I was home alone this week after spending several busy days with my grandsons last week. Or maybe it's hormones. Or perhaps it's the weather changing. Whatever the reason, I've been off my game for the past several days.

My primary off-game symptom has been feeling kind of down on myself about where I'm headed — or more accurately, not headed — with my writing. Having been a writer of one degree or another for the past few decades, I get that most writers get that way now and again. That's little consolation.

Wednesday, just as I was hitting bottom and frustrating even the dogs with my negative attitude all because I felt like I was writing <cuss> — if I was writing at all — I got an email notification of a new tweet on Twitter that mentioned me. As I was open to doing anything other than staring at a screen of my words that weren't stringing together satisfactorily, I clicked on over to Twitter and found this:

Tears came to my eyes. Seriously. That's how much that tweet meant to me, how much I needed to hear that my words matter, that my words make a difference somewhere, somehow, to someone.

The someone perplexed me. I have no idea who Rosie Kuhn is. I have never interacted with her on Twitter or elsewhere before. She doesn't follow me, I don't follow her. Well, we didn't before Wednesday.

But for some reason my words on being heartbroken when I learned I'd be a grandma resonated with Ms. Kuhn, possibly gave her something she needed. In return, she gave me — a total stranger — what I needed. When I needed it most.

That small tweet from her that meant big things to me was yet another in a long line of moments of late when I've gotten exactly what I needed when I needed it most. Not earthshaking victories of any sort, but confirmation what I need will come.

Because, yes, you get what you need when you need it most.

And you're reminded of that when you most need to remember it.

That is what I learned this week.

PS: I also learned this week that I want to go back to posting on Saturdays, after having taken the weekends off during the summer. Stay tuned for tomorrow's Saturday post, a feature you'll find here every Saturday going forward. I hope you enjoy it!

Today's question:

What did you learn this week?

7 things to shake a stick at

I've found that folks in generations above and beyond mine often use turns of phrase that make me ponder. Or chuckle. Or Google. Or all of the above.

The latter was the case the other night as Jim and I watched the news. A reporter questioned a not-all-that-elderly-but-certainly-older-and-more-folksy-than-me eyewitness to an event, and the guy mentioned there being "more than you could shake a stick at" of something or another.

Now, it's not as if I've never heard that phrase. I've heard it millions of times, as we all have — most often uttered by older folk. But as images of cavemen shaking their sticks at fire or herds of antelope or whatever else they drew on their cave walls swirled about my noggin', I wondered where the phrase came from. So I Googled it.

Turns out the "more than you could shake a stick at" etymology isn't easy to pin down. Nor is exactly what it once meant, only what it now means, which is in official terms, one heck of a lot.

With that phrase stuck in my mind, I began considering a list of the things in my life that are so high in number I could play caveman and shake a stick at them. Some perfectly fit the label as "more than I could shake a stick at" usually refers to a number so high it can't be counted. Others on my list, though, are high in countable number yet still make me want to shake a stick at them because, well, they're so high in number.

7 THINGS OF WHICH I HAVE MORE THAN I COULD SHAKE A STICK AT*

Pine needles. With more pine trees on my property than, well, I could shake a stick at, I have quadruple that number in pine needles that need to be raked up and gotten rid of. Jim and I will be busy this weekend (and will likely shake sticks at one another in our sure state of displeasure).

Boxes. I receive at least one package a day. I save the boxes because you just never know when you might need to ship something or box up something. So the closet in my study contains boxes stacked ceiling high. And not all neat and tidy. No, I simply squish in another box as it arrives at my door and is unpacked. So each time I open that closet to add another box to the batch, I could use a stick — not for shaking but for staking the stack to keep it all from falling upon my head.

Books. I have a lot of books. I love books. I don't read enough books. I don't get rid of enough books. Some of the stacks of books around my house — because there's no more room on my bazillion book shelves — rival my stacks of boxes. Perhaps I need a book closet to go with my box closet. (Or maybe I need to fill my boxes with books thus condensing my stick shaking.)

Music. Jim and I were avid music fans long before we knew one another. We both brought into the marriage lots of music... on records. Since our union 30+ years ago, we added to the records lots of cassettes (some, like the records, we still have) and CDs, plus music on iPods, iPhones and iTunes on computers. Music is all over the place — upstairs, downstairs, outside in the stereo on the patio bar, out in the garage in the stereos in our cars. I shake a stick — more like a fist — each time I want to listen to a particular album. Then I usually give up and turn on the radio.

Stairs. The upstairs/downstairs locations of our music really are a challenge for we really do have a lot of stairs. In fact, I once wrote a post about all our stairs right here.

Traffic. We live near a busy boulevard. One of the busiest in our city. It's loud. It sucks. It makes us shake our fists, our sticks, and wish we could shake the city planners who need to put up a sound barrier. If we didn't love our house so very much, we'd move where there's less traffic.

Miles. We could always move near our grandsons for a little peace and quiet, at least from the traffic sounds. But, as I've mentioned before, that's not gonna happen. So I shake my stick at the miles between my grandsons and me. At last count those miles numbered 812. That's more than enough to shake a stick at. I do inside, often.

There are plenty of other things that I have more than I could shake a stick at. But as time is not something I have more than I could shake a stick at — and patience with my inane list-making is not likely something you have more than you could shake a stick at — I'll put a stick in it and end here.

Thanks for sticking with me til the end. I ♥ you more than I could shake a stick at!

*Now, the title of this post really should be that, but it was far too many words for the space.

Today's fill-in-the-blank:

I have more ___________ than I could shake a stick at.

On Andy Garcia and me

The AARP Life@50+ Expo has come and gone, and I must say it far exceeded my expectations. So much to see and do and learn.

Though the connections made — and the dogs met — were delightful and well worth the trip, my favorite experience there was hands down the Movies for Grownups screening of "At Middleton," which stars Andy Garcia and Vera Farmiga.

You may recall the trailer for the film, included in this post here. (And if you don't recall the trailer or didn't watch it then, go watch it. Seriously.)

You may also recall from that post that I mentioned Andy Garcia would be at the screening. Which he was.

After the lovely movie that I enjoyed from beginning to end, Andy Garcia, along with director Adam Rodgers and Glenn German — co-writer with Rodgers of the sweet story of two parents who meet during their children's college tour — took the stage for an "At Middleton" Q&A session with the audience.

Glenn German, Adam Rodgers and Andy Garcia

Andy Garcia listens to an adoring audience member.Mike wranglers roamed the crowd, giving those in attendance the chance to ask questions. I so wanted to ask who chose the musical selections integral to the story, having seen Arturo Sandoval's name in the beginning credits (whom Andy Garcia played in a 2000 HBO film on Sandoval). But... though I can write for crowds, I sure as heck can't speak in front of crowds. At all.

So I kept my mouth shut, listened to others, and shot frame after frame of the handsome men on stage.

Then the topic of distribution of the independent film and support for it came up. Suddenly there was some mention of the support for the film on a site called Grandma's Briefs, with Andy Garcia saying something about there being a special request and... something else I can't remember at all because I somehow found myself standing and waving my arms and declaring to the men on the stage, That's me, I'm Grandma's Briefs!

And then Andy Garcia asked me to come up front.

Oh, <cuss>! I said in my head.

"Oh, no," I said out loud.

I quickly asked the gentleman behind me to please take my camera and get some photos, someone thrust a microphone into my hand (Here, take this!) and I headed up front.

Right into the arms of Andy Garcia.

Unbelievable.

I wanted to say, "Wow! What a wonderful, touching film!"

I wanted to say, "You are a good, good man, Mr. Garcia!" (I think heis. In part because he and his wife have been married as long as Jim and I, and his family is top priority. Need more? Google him.)

And I wanted to say — once we hugged and I melted into his unbelievably soft jacket that simply felt like home — "Gee whiz! Let's just stay right here and hug all freakin' day!"

I didn't say any of those things.

Instead, I said, "The other grandmas are going to be so jealous!" Yes, at that very special moment, I thought of you all.

Andy Garcia kissed me on the forehead, he thanked me for my support. And I just babbled: "Thank you, thank you, thank YOU...."

(As I mentioned, I can't speak for <cuss> in front of crowds.)

But Mr. Garcia was kind and seemingly genuine as he hugged me again — comfy, cozy hugs that, well, just felt like home. And we posed for pictures.

Then I somehow managed my way back to my seat — after a quick hug to Sue, the PR rep taking photos... whom I also thanked profusely. The gentleman who used my camera gave it back, I thanked him several times, as well, then I sat back down and tried to stop shaking.

A few questions from the audience later — what the Q was or the A that followed, I couldn't tell ya — then the whole thing was over. Just like that.

Poof!

Surreal.

When the lights came up and the crowd began exiting, the first thing I did was dial my husband. It's the normal response when a long-time married woman hugs another man, right? Tell your husband?

I simply had to share with Jim.

And Jim was immediately jealous — jealous that he didn't get to hug Andy Garcia!

But as he always is, my husband was thrilled for me.

"Was it a good hug?" he asked, as he and I put a lot of stock in a person's hug, agree that so much of one's character is revealed in their hugs.

I confirmed that it was.

And it certainly was.

Such a wonderful hug from a good, good man.

One truly unexpected, truly unforgettable moment.

Thank you, Andy Garcia.

Today's question:

Whose hugs feel like home to you?

What I learned this week: Quote me

Of all the things I learned this week, the how is nowhere near as important as the what.

So rather than explain the genesis of each lesson I recently learned, I'll simply share with you the bottom-line lessons themselves — via the words of folks who became wise in these areas long before I.

(One exception: the last lesson, which is in my words and my words alone.)

And my messiest lesson of all:

Seriously!

All of the above, my friends, is what I learned this week.

Enjoy the long holiday weekend. Best wishes for a safe and memorable farewell to summer!

Today's question:

What did you learn this week?

Get your answers here: Letters to grandchildren, extra servings of Lisa

I like to help folks out. Because of that, I'm always pleased to see that some of what I offer up here on Grandma's Briefs meets the wants and needs of those seeking answers online. I'm talking about the search queries that lead folks here and the answers I (sometimes unintentionally) provide.

For quite some time, one of the top search queries that lands seekers on my site is related to writing to grandchildren. For example, in the past week — just the past seven days — these are a sampling of the searches in that vein that show up in my blog stats:

• letter from grandmother to grandson
• letters to a grandchild going away to college
• grandmother letter to granddaughter
• i love you message + to grandchild
• letter from grandma to grandson
• letter to grandson from grandmother
• letter to my grandson
• letter from grandmother to granddaughter
• little letter to my grandson
• letter to my newborn grandson
• what a great grandmother writes to her first great grandchild
• how to write a letter to my new grandson
• letter to granddaughter on her wedding day
• letter to your newborn granddaughter
• unborn baby letter from grandparents
• 1st birthday letter for grandson
• love letter to unborn grandchild
• message to unborn granddaughter
• ideas for letter for grandchild starting kindergarten

I noticed the trend a while back, wrote about it a while back, and now offer the answer to that particular search, regardless of how it's worded, right here in How to write a keepsake letter to a grandchild.

I also get a lot of search queries related to food. I like food. I like to share food answers, otherwise known as recipes. In the past week, I received several queries for no-crust cheesecake, breakfast pizza, and blackberry cobbler — though it's a blueberry cobbler recipe they find here, with info on using any fruit, so I guess it serves up their answer just the same. I'm happy to help out any time anyone wants a recipe, if it's one I have in my Recipe Box.

I'm also happy to help out any time anyone wants information on Zori Sandals. What? Well, I reviewed Zori Sandals a while back, and it has been at the top of my search query list for quite some time. In fact, in the past seven days, six people have landed here in their search for such, despite my review — the one right here — being more than a year old.

There also are other miscellaneous searches for grandma things that I've provided answers for in the past week, things such as (in the exact search terms) a list of things grandmas need at their house, modern day names for grandmothers, gardening with grandchildren, and countless other "grandma" sorts of stuff.

Queries such as those are easy to answer, easy to see how folks ended up here. What's not so easy? Well, try these recent queries on for size — all searches that resulted in web users landing in my little corner of the online world:

• it seems that grandmas always need a little one to hold (meh... kind of reasonable, I suppose)
• mothers of daughters like me
• "spanking spoon" diapers mom
• And the real kicker and ultimate head scratcher: but i wont do that underwear (Surprisingly, there were two searches for that!)

Ultimately, though, my favorite recent search query had to be when someone simply requested "extra servings of lisa, please."

I hope that seeker found all she'd hoped for and then some — especially because she said "please"!

Today's question:

As I mentioned, I enjoy helping folks out. So what would you like to see more of here on Grandma's Briefs? More grandma stuff? More recipes? More giveaways? More essay-type posts? More this and that related to... well... you tell me. What kinds of "extra servings of lisa" would fill you up when visiting Grandma's Briefs?