What I learned this week: One way my eldest daughter is not like me

My eldest daughter, Brianna, is very much like me. She and I enjoy the same books, same movies, same music — for the most part (that silly girl adores country music far more than I ever will).

We like the same clothing style, love the same foods, and we have many of the same mannerisms. We even unintentionally say the very same things at the very same times often enough that Jim, upon hearing our comments in stereo — one side me, one side Brianna — regularly responds to us with, "Will you two stop doing that!?"

Yes, Brianna is very much like me.

There is one way in which my daughter is so not like me, though. It's something we both learned this week. It's something that led me to thank God out loud upon hearing.

That something is this: Brianna does not have MS.

I'm talking about multiple sclerosis — a drag of a disease I've worried for decades one or more of my daughters would inherit from me... despite there being no proof MS is hereditary.

Hereditary or not, Brianna began expressing concerns about unusually numb feet and oddball sensations in her body about six months ago. Just a complaint here and there, sentiments she'd pass along knowing darn well it was scaring the hell out of me despite my calm and reassuring demeanor at the mentions.

"It's probably just related to your back," I'd say on the outside while fearing the worst on the inside.

See, Brianna was in a car accident a few years ago, rear-ended by a landscaping truck that never even hit the brakes as she was stopped at a red traffic light. It wasn't good, especially for her back. Brianna eventually, though not even 25 years of age at the time, had to undergo emergency back surgery months after the accident but related to the accident. She's had minor pain and numbness and pings and pinches in her feet and legs ever since.

But when those minor pings and pains recently changed to major and began sounding more and more like the pings and pains I experienced before being diagnosed with MS 21 years ago, neither of us could ignore the symptoms. Brianna needed to see a doctor who would confirm or rule out MS.

Brianna saw that doctor Wednesday.

The doctor ruled out MS Wednesday.

I learned Wednesday that my daughter who is very-so-very much like me is not like me in the one way I prayed she and her sisters would never, ever be.

Hallelujah!

Yes, there's nerve damage and neuropathy and issues my daughter — who just turned 31 on Sunday — will deal with the rest of her life, things that may worsen throughout her life.

We both agree that sucks.

Yet we also both agree on this: Thank God it's not MS.

In that way we are very much alike.

In that way we both say — in stereo — hallelujah!

And that is what I — and Brianna — learned this week.

I learned another thing this week (yesterday, in fact), this one far more sad: Our bloggy friend Joan, whom many of you know as Gramcracker and who blogs at Gramcracker Crumbs, lost her husband unexpectedly this week. Please keep Joan and her loved ones in your thoughts and prayers.

Have a safe, happy and memorable weekend. I look forward to connecting with you again on Monday.

Today's question:

What did you learn this week?

Back-to-school books for all ages, including grandmas

I've always resisted any hoopla about "summer reads" and such, as summer has always been the time I'm least likely to read. Unless I'm sitting in a car or plane while traveling, there's far too much to do and see and enjoy outdoors during the summer, so reading gets put on hold. As far as I recall, reading was similarly shelved, for the most part, by my daughters during the summers of their childhoods.

Whether you're a summer reader or not though, once the school bells ring, it's time to return to the books — for enjoyment as well as edification. Following are a few books I recently received free for review, with something sure to entertain and enlighten readers of all ages.

FOR AGES 2 to 5

Peppa Pig and the Busy Day at School by Candlewick Press, illustrated by Ladybird ($12.99 hardcover) Many a youngster — and parent — knows and loves Peppa Pig, the Nick Jr. star. In this new adventure, Peppa hems and haws about which special talent of hers she should share during Special Talent Day at school. She and her classmates first have lessons in counting, the alphabet, painting, playing store and more, followed by Special Talent time. Lo and behold, other classmates show off the very same talents Peppa had hoped to share. What is she to do? Madame Gazelle offers guidance to the perky little pig — and readers, too.

FOR AGES 4 to 7

My Blue Is Happy by Jessica Young, illustrated by Catia Chien ($15.99 hardcover) Ever since I had a boss who painted his entire office blood red, I've been intrigued by how colors have different meanings (and feelings) for each individual. This book made my heart sing as I read about a little girl's journey of discovering what others think of some of her favorite and least favorite colors. I was especially pleased the little girl saw pink a little different than most girls, stating that to her, "pink is annoying, like an itchy bug bite." An unexpectedly delightful read with adorable illustrations.

FOR AGES 5 to 8

How Did That Get In My Lunchbox? The Story of Food by Chris Butterworth, illustrated by Lucia Gaggiotti ($7.99 paperback) Sometimes the best part of the school day is lunch time. But where does all that food in one's lunchbox come from? No, not the grocery store. This book — named Book of the Year by the American Farm Bureau — educates hungry kiddos on where everything from their sandwich bread and cheese to tomatoes, carrots, apple juice, clementines and even chocolate chip cookies come from. You might want to pack a lunch before setting out to read it, for you will end up hungry.

FOR AGES 7 to 12

Electrical Wizard: How Nikola Tesla Lit Up the World by Elizabeth Rusch, illustrated by Oliver Dominguez ($16.99 hardcover) Nikola Tesla is a former and much beloved resident of my city. Until a year or so ago, in fact, my city boasted a Tesla Historical Museum dedicated to honoring the man who pioneered modern electrical engineering. Tesla changed not only the course of local history, though, he rivaled Thomas Edison in his contributions to lighting up our world at large. This intriguing book tells of Tesla's seemingly magical powers that lit up not only the Chicago World's Fair and New York City of yesteryear, but that impact modern inventions used today.

FOR AGES 12 AND ABOVE

Bluefish by Pat Schmatz ($6.99 paperback) Travis is 13, a difficult age for any kid. Making matters worse, he's stuck living with Grandpa in a new town where he must attend a new school. Worst of all? Travis has a secret, something that makes him consider himself a Bluefish — stupid, angry and alone. Until, that is, an unorthodox girl nicknamed Velveeta offers blunt honesty and plenty of humor that shows Travis he is so much more. Though meant for middle readers, this coming-of-age story — winner of numerous awards and honors — will resonate with anyone who was 13 years old once upon a time.

FOR GRANDMOTHERS & OTHERS

Letters from Skye by Jessica Brockmole ($25 hardcover) Like I said, back-to-school time is great for grownups. As the kids toil away at school during the day and on homework come evening, grandmothers and others have more uninterrupted time to dedicate to good books of their choosing. I recommend Letters from Skye next time you're choosing. I was captivated by the love story played out in letters shared across continents between a Scottish poet and a feisty American college student, beginning in 1912 and spanning decades. The trailer:

Disclosure: I received the books above free for review, though that did not influence my opinions nor my desire to share them with you.

Today's question:

What book(s) are you currently reading?

Picture this: If you give a squirrel something sweet

This is what happens when a squirrel discovers hummingbird food spilled on the deck railing:

All cleaned up lickety split!

Today's question:

Considering yesterday's giveaway post for Munch! and today's post about licking, when it comes to sweets, do you prefer those you munch or those you lick?

New mom possessiveness: Seeking help from the grandmahood

I recently received an email from a pregnant mother who will soon have her first child. As the baby's birth nears, the new mom wrote, she's having difficulty coming to terms with the intense, scary and perfectly normal feelings of possessiveness over her baby — especially in relation to the soon-to-be-born child's grandmothers.

"Can you help?" she asked me.

Seems my post titled Grandma's No. 1 came up when this new mother Googled search queries such as "grandma obsessed with my baby." Admittedly, I just may sound a tad obsessed in that post, but I wrote those words from the heart and believe it's the truth on how many a grandma feels about her grandchildren. We are obsessed.

Which is exactly what concerns this new mother. It's why she asked if I could help her understand us crazy-in-love grandmas — an understanding that may help if her baby's grandmas turn out like the rest of us.

Before I respond to her, though, I'm seeking input from you, the Grandma's Briefs "grandmahood." Together we may properly shed light on why grandmothers feel the way we do. My hope is that as a whole, we can offer some guidance regarding what she calls the "stickiness in my heart" and her overwhelming feelings of possessiveness for her newborn when it comes to the "pretty reasonable" grandmothers in her life, who admittedly "haven't pulled any super crazy overbearing grandparent moves." 

First, of course, I must share with you the new mom's concerns about grandmothers in general and my Grandma's No. 1 post in particular. So here is the bulk of her letter to me:

There was a specific part in your post that bothered me. You said, "The thing is, when it comes to grandkids — and any grandma knows this, so I'm pretty much talking to the non-grandmas here — it's such a fresh, new, overwhelming love that it's hard to not gush and glow over it. New mothers feel the very same world-shaking love for their newborn, for their little ones as they grow..."

I have to very much disagree that grandmothers feel the SAME love for a newborn as their mothers do. Strong and also world-shaking, yes — but not the same. And even the way you worded this — that in fact mothers share the same love as grandmothers, instead of the other way around, also rubbed me the wrong way.

I also truly don't understand this section: "Much to their delight, they're getting a second opportunity to relish the fully-enveloping motherly love for a child. And relish it we do. Just like we did when our first child was born. And the second. And the third. And more."

I see what you're saying here, but this is NOT your child — so it is not the same love, and it may feel fully enveloping but it should still not compete with the mother's own love.

I'm sorry if I sound confrontational. That isn't my intention. I hope you'll forgive my very strong new mama feelings.

So please, please tell me: Do grandparents actually think that their love for the grandkids is the same as the parents' love?

I genuinely do not understand the grandparent obsession, to the point that it seems unhealthy to me. And I know all the boundary-less women my mom and MIL know that have grandkids are not helping them to be sane about my baby. I and am of course on the other side of life right now and just really struggling to relate to their feelings. I want to respect them, but also set reasonable boundaries.

Any tips on how to handle these feelings without hurting the grandparents' feelings or causing strife? Is this just something that needs to change in my heart?

Thanks for listening.

I want to tell this new mother that yes, we grandmothers do feel an all-consuming love for our grandchildren that is just like that of a mother, at least in terms of the degree of consumption.

I want to tell her that reasonable, well-intentioned grandmothers certainly don't want to possess or parent our grandchildren, that we delight in seeing our children parent our grandchildren, sometimes with such delight we fear our hearts will burst with pride.

And I want to tell her the importance of remembering that at least one of the grandmothers she worries about once held her in their arms, that they loved, adored, cuddled and worried about her in exactly the same way she is and will with her baby. That that grandmother fully understands and could shed light on the situation better than any stranger could. So talk to her about boundaries, expectations, her love and respect for the grandmothers in relation to what works for her as a new mother.

Mostly, I just want to tell her to not fret about competition or who loves the baby more, to accept that her role as the one and only mother of that child is a given — and that rational, loving grandmothers will give her the space to be that, do that, own that.

That's what I want to tell that new mother. But I want to know what you — the grandmothers and others who may see yourself in my words or hers — would tell this heart-heavy mother who wants to do and be and feel what's right for her baby, for the grandmothers and for herself.

So please share your thoughts. Ultimately, perhaps the best thing for me to do is direct the new mom to this post and your comments, so she'll glean guidance from the grandmahood collective, not just from me. I thank you. I venture to say she will, too.

Today's question:

What would you say to the new mother regarding the "stickiness" in her heart?

Weekend woes plus GRAND Social No. 66

Sometimes the weekends don't go quite as one might hope they would. This past weekend was exactly that way for my daughter Megan and her family.

The weekend started off all wrong for poor Megan. After a long first week of school, she arrived home Friday afternoon to find Mac in bad shape and Preston furiously scrubbing blood from Mac and Bubby's bedroom carpet. Just moments before, Mac had jumped from the night table and came down hard on the wood bedframe around Bubby's bed. Down on his mouth. His upper gum, to be exact.

Megan zoomed Mac to Emergicare while Preston scrubbed blood and stayed with Bubby. Emergicare turned her away, saying, "Get that boy to the pediatric dentist now!" She took him there, X-rays showed no broken baby or permanent teeth, and the poor little guy left with an open wound (technical term for the ouchie: degloving) that will supposedly heal relatively quickly.

Scenes from the woeful experience:

Tiny Mac prepped for the dentist.

The ouchie — after seeing the dentist.

As one Facebook friend said, "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!" I hope she's right. Not so sure Mac learned his lesson, though, as despite the pain, Mac still was a chipper little fella, evidenced by this photo taken immediately after the one above of Mommy holding back his lip:

Still smiling.

The weekend woes didn't end there for Megan and the gang. Next up was a bad-hair day — for Roxy, the family dog, who normally looks like this:

Roxy — July 2013

Megan texted me a photo Saturday afternoon of Roxy, who now, thanks to an "oops!" by the groomer, looks like this:

 

Not the best weekend ever. But as Megan said about the turn of events: It could be worse. Cheers to perspective — and to Mac's mouth healing quickly. (And Roxy's fur growing fast, too!)

Plus... Cheers to one and all joining me today for GRAND Social No. 66! Time for the party!

How it works:

• All grandparent bloggers are invited to add a link. You don't have to blog specifically about grandparenting, just be a grandparent who blogs.

• To link up a post, copy the direct URL to the specific post — new or old — that you want to share, not the link to your blog's home page. Then click the blue button marked with "Add your link" below and follow the directions.

• You can add up to three posts, but no duplicates, contests, giveaways, or Etsy sites, please.

• Adding a mention such as This post linked to the GRAND Social to your linked posts is appreciated. Or, you can post the GRAND Social button anywhere on your page using the following code:

<a href="http://grandmasbriefs.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><img src="http://grandmasbriefs.squarespace.com/storage/GRANDsocialbutton.jpg " alt="Grandma’sBriefs.com" width="125" height="125" /></a>

• The GRAND Social linky is open for new posts through Wednesday evening, so please come back to see those added after your first visit.


• If you're not a blogger, you have the pleasure of being a reader. Bloggers who link up would be honored to have one and all — other bloggers as well as readers — visit, read and, if so moved, comment, even if just a "Hey, stopping by from the GRAND Social."

• For another grandparent linky, visit Connie's Grandparent's Say It Saturday Link Party each Saturday.