Name changer

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When I named my daughters, I didn't put much thought into what each name meant. With each one—Brianna, Megan, Andrea—I simply liked the sound of the name or that the name reminded me of people who warmed my heart. I'm not sure I even looked up what the names meant. If I did, I don't remember the meanings and never put much stock in them.

That's not the case with Indian names. I recently learned through a variety of news reports that Hindi names are indeed chosen according to what the name means—and that two names have become popular of late, despite having meanings destined to break the hearts and spirits of those to whom the name is given.

The names are "Nakusa" and "Nakushi," which mean "unwanted." Girls in India are often given one or the other of those names because they are unwanted, as Indians openly discriminate against daughters and often hope to only bear sons.

An Associated Press report I read Sunday says the recent Indian census shows the sex ratio of those under age 6 as 914 girls to every 1,000 boys. According to the AP story:

"Such ratios are the result of abortions of female fetuses, or just sheer neglect leading to a higher death rate among girls. The problem is so serious in India that hospitals are legally banned from revealing the gender of an unborn fetus in order to prevent sex-selective abortions, though evidence suggests the information gets out."

It seems sons are favored because while it can be quite expensive to marry off daughters, sons and their families benefit when marrying because they end up with elaborate dowries. Also, only sons can light the funeral pyres of their parents. Hence, if a daughter is born, parents—even grandparents—have no qualms about saddling the little one with a title making it clear she wasn't wanted, and there's no celebration in her arrival.

Such things break my heart. As a mother of only females and a grandmother of only males, I celebrate both sexes.

Today, though, I celebrate one male, a man I've never met and surely never will. For this one man, Satara (India) district health officer Dr. Bhagwan Pawar, was so moved upon discovering the plight of those young Indian girls marked as "unwanted" that he immediately set out to make it right.

This past Saturday, thanks to the efforts of Pawar, nearly 300 young girls participated in a renaming ceremony that allowed them to shed the names of Nakusa or Nakushi and become known going forward names of their own choosing. Many opted for names of Bollywood stars, Hindu goddesses, or ones with meanings such as "very tough" or "prosperous, beautiful and good." I can only imagine the sense of pride and newfound purpose each girl felt as she received her certificate legally announcing her new name.

In a society accepting of such blatant discrimination of females, Pawar certainly wasn't obligated in any way to provide the girls with an escape from the horrid names their families had given them. But he did. Because of his selfless act, I have no doubt those girls will not only forever appreciate their new names but Pawar's name as well. I imagine that to them, the name Bhagwan Pawar will forever going forward mean "the one who made me feel unwanted no more."

I know that for me, the name Bhagwan Pawar will forever going forward mean "honorable"...and "the one who did the right thing."

Photo: stock.xchng

Losing one's cool

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Megan attended parent-teacher conferences last week, learning all about how Bubby is doing in his three-year-old preschool class. As the teacher went through Bubby's progress report, she pointed out that one of the areas in which Bubby and his classmates are working hard is "problem solving."

The teacher proceeded to tell Megan that she's focusing intently on problem solving with the entire class, teaching them techniques for diffusing situations in which it's easy to lose one's cool. Stepping back and counting to 10 before reacting is one of the many techniques she's stressing with the youngsters.

The other day Megan called me to say that Bubby was in the throes of a "meltdown." Contrary to his ever-cool presence in photos I post on this blog, Bubby does indeed lose that cool occasionally and suffer true meltdowns. As all three-year-olds do. Often. Which is likely why problem solving is a big part of the curriculum in the three-year-old class.

The meltdown was not news and not the reason Megan was calling. Bubby's handling of the meltdown was the news.

Megan reported that she and Bubby had been disagreeing about something or another, when Bubby started acting like, well, a three-year-old. So she sent him upstairs to his room to calm down until he could act more appropriately and make better choices that didn't lead to his irrational behavior. (She likely used more child-friendly terminology, but that's the gist of it.)

Bubby angrily huffed up to his room. Just before Megan called, she said, she couldn't help but laugh out loud at Bubby's reaction to being sent to his room. "I actually LOLed, Mom," she said. Because once Bubby was in his room, Megan could hear him ranting and raving. Then he'd quiet down and all she'd hear is him counting. "1...2...3...". Then he'd YELL again, quickly followed by a return to the counting once more. "1...2...3...".

At the time of the phone call, Bubby still hadn't reached 10, still hadn't resolved his issues, still hadn't solved his problem.

But he was trying. And proving that even at three years old, stepping back and counting before flying off the handle does indeed make a difference.

(Even if that difference is simply instigating actual LOLing from Mommy.)

Today's question:

What problem-solving technique do you use to keep your cool when angry?

Photographs and memories

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You surely can tell from this blog that I love to take photos of my grandsons. As a long-distance grandma, I take advantage of the times we have together in many ways, but a priority always involves stocking up on lots of shots of memorable moments during our visits.

Often, though, I don't have my camera on hand for some of the most memorable moments of all. For example, when bedraggled Mommy Megan and the boys first came into view at the airport, Bubby beelined it for Gramma. As I picked him up, he held me tight and said, "I missed you so much." It was and likely always will be one of my all-time favorite moments with him, yet not one accompanied by a photo.

Another memorable-but-not-recorded moment was when Bubby and I sat in the hot tub together. Although I did take pictures of the experience—and had Megan take a few, too—the funniest, surely most memorable moment of all was when I was putting the camera down. I stood up out of the hot tub and leaned over the edge to put my camera in a safe, dry place. When I turned back around to sit once again next to Bubby, he wore a huge grin from ear to ear and looked guilty as all get-out. For what, I didn't know. Until I began to sit. Bubby giggled and told me, "I said 'that's Gramma's big booty patooty'!" Apparently Bubby got a giggle-worthy shot of his own as Gramma leaned over the edge.

I've mentioned before that Bubby and I like to have dance parties of a sort when we're together. During the most recent visit he and Baby Mac made to our house, the dance party was larger than usual, made especially memorable with the addition of Baby Mac in my arms. I bopped with Baby Mac as Bubby rolled with Rock Dog. Another moment not caught on film.

The day before our house guests were scheduled to leave, I mentioned to Bubby that he'd be heading home the next day. "But I want to stay here," he said. I told him that he couldn't do that because his friends were all at home, and he had to go to school. "But I can go to school here," he said. My heart melted at the idea that Bubby was willing to give up his beloved friends and great times at school in favor of staying at Gramma's.

Similarly, the day Bubby and Mommy were packing up the luggage, Bubby passed me in the hallway and woefully told me, "I will miss you so much." A second mention to match the first when he arrived, sweet sentiments to bookend the visit.

Those sentiments and other equally memorable moments may not have been captured in photos, but they're definitely imprinted on my heart. Which makes them longer lasting and not likely to ever fade.

Today's question:

What recent moment(s) for you were not caught on film but imprinted on your heart?