In search of the grandmother 'hood

/

The following words and their definitions are easily found in any dictionary:

Motherhood: 1. The state of being a mother. 2. The qualities of a mother. 3. Mothers considered as a group. 

Sisterhood: 1. The state or relationship of being a sister or sisters. 2. The quality of being sisterly. 3. A society, especially a religious society, of women. 4. Association or unification of women in a common cause. 

Fatherhood: 1. The state of being a father. 2. The qualities of a father. 3. Fathers considered as a group. 

Brotherhood: 1. The state or relationship of being brothers. 2. Fellowship. 3. An association of men, such as a fraternity or union, united for common purposes. 4. All the members of a profession or trade. 

Neighborhood: 1. A district or area with distinctive characteristics. 2. The people who live near one another or in a particular district or area. 3. The surrounding area; vicinity.

Alas, there is no grandmotherhood, though. At least not as a word in the dictionary. I've looked...several times, in several different versions. Not even in the Urban Dictionary.

Let there be no doubt, though, that the concept of grandmotherhood does indeed exist. It's evidenced by the awesome group of grandmothers and others who gather here on Grandma's Briefs. Who gather and comment and support one another on any grandma blog, any grandparent blog, any grandparent site, on Facebook, on Twitter and beyond. And who gather face to face, be it at one another's kitchen tables, in the shared pews of churches, at a favorite dining—or drinking—spot for "grandmas night out." A network equally as strong as brotherhoods, sisterhoods, and other 'hoods deserves to be equally named.

When obnoxious and obscure terms such as bromance, clickjacking, and the ever-so-freakin'-annoying nom nom that makes me throw up a little in my mouth every time I read it make their way into the dictionary, I don't understand why grandmotherhood—grandmothers considered as a group—is absent. It's not obnoxious. It's not obscure. And it doesn't, I daresay, cause anyone to throw up in their mouth even just the eensiest of bits when considered. Grandmotherhood is a true and tangible state that should be recognized, yet isn't.

It's time to change that. I propose we join together to ask where's the 'hood? At least in name. In every other way we know exactly where the 'hood is: It's in our online connections, our networking with like-minded grandmothers. It's evident in the places where our heartstrings are plucked upon hearing the plight—or the joy—of fellow grandparents we've never even met, likely never will. It's unmistakeable in our shared hugs, virtual and otherwise. It's in the stories we tell one another, the photos we share, the genuine concern and care for others who have been there, who are there right alongside us. It's for real, and the lack of a word to define the concept belittles the state we're in, the connection we have.

We are a 'hood. We are the grandmotherhood.

I want us to be recognized.

I want us to be heard.

I want us to have a word.

Photo: stock.xchng

Today's fill-in-the-blank:

I think the word(s) _________ should be struck from the dictionary for good.

Sweet searches (or, A sure sign perimenopause has hit)

/

As some of you know, I've had a little trouble with the Grandma's Briefs site this past week, related to commenting. It's all fixed now (as long as you clear your browser cache and are using IE 9 if you use Internet Explorer).

In trying to suss all that out, I ventured into a few spots in the analytics area of my site that I haven't been in a while. And it nearly made me cry. Not, I assure you, because the numbers are low or the problems are high, or anything like that. (Believe it or not, I'm not that shallow. Most of the time.)

What nearly brought me to tears was looking at the search queries. I've written posts in the past about the wacky search terms that lead folks to Grandma's Briefs, but this time I didn't find the queries all that wacky. I found them to be sweet, poignant.

Of course, wackiness wasn't completely absent as the query list included "justy grandmas" (?) and "land before time baby dinosaur hatching in" (??). But for the most part, the search terms included primarily variations of these that touched my heart:

• how to be the best newborn grandma

• heart grows with the love of a child

• my granddaughter makes me laugh out loud

• how to give away grandmas stuff

• letters to grandson

• letter to my 18 year old grandson

• letter to grandson going off to college

• poems for grandmas who passed away

• farewell, grandma

• what grandmas do best

• how hard it is to be a far away grandma

Such queries made me glad I could provide a soft landing spot even if not the exact answers folks were looking for.

Mostly, though, such terms made me deeply grateful that today—this afternoon!—this far away grandma finally gets to hug and hold close her sweet grandsons.

Today's question:

If you were guaranteed a true, accurate answer, what question or search (realistic or not) would you most like to find results for today?

My dreams for my grandson

/

These are my dreams for my grandson as he grows:

That he always shows gratitude, curiosity, strength, forgiveness.

That he exercises his body and mind in equal proportions.

That he laughs daily, with others, at himself.

That he loves himself, is proud of himself, treats himself kindly, compassionately.

That he shows kindness and compassion to others, to animals, to nature.

That he turns a deaf ear to intimidation and ignorance when it comes to thinking and doing what's good, what's right.

That he understands the value of patience, compromise, silence, restraint.

That he always loves learning ... and teaching.

That he uses his hands for hugging not hurting.

That he accepts responsibility.

That he does his part.

That he has -- and is -- a true and loyal friend.

That he makes time for silliness, pleasure, play.

That he appreciates and cultivates strong bonds with his siblings, from youth to old age.

That he embraces productivity and pursues careers that matter to him, to the world.

That always -- always -- people are more important to him than things.

That he keeps his word.

That home, family, tradition matter.

That he communicates -- in small ways, large ways and when it may not seem to matter ... but does.

That he never fails to see the beauty, the delightful, the admirable, the awesome.

That he never fails to see those less fortunate.

That he takes nothing for granted.

That his fears and nerves lead him to greatness not despair.

That he appreciates differences of opinion, culture, ideas.

That he has abundant supporters, cheering him on. When he can't hear them cheering, that he doesn't hesitate to cheer for himself.

That he finds a loving forever mate and together they create a loving forever family.

That he makes a positive difference in the world, be it as simple as a smile to a passing stranger or as complex as contributing to global change.

That he never breaks his mother's heart. Or his father's.

That he builds people up, not tear them down.

That he's slow to anger, quick to reason.

That he leads more than he follows, listens more than he speaks.

That his body, mind and soul stay strong, growing and bending but never breaking.

That he dances, sings, eats, enjoys, cries, giggles, dreams without worrying what others may think.

That he sets goals far and high and reaches them ... then goes beyond them.

That adversity makes him stronger not hopeless.

That he uses the words I will more often than I'll try or I can't.

That his heart is gentle and generous yet strong and resilient.

That he keeps an open mind.

That the words misogynist, racist, hateful, liar, addict, or bully are never used to describe him.

That he never, ever doubts he's loved.

That the love he gives in return is never in doubt.

That he travels.

That he dares.

That he excels.

That he lives.

That he depends on God's guidance, comfort, forgiveness, love always, in all ways.

That all who touch his life help make these dreams a reality.

More importantly, that he makes these dreams a reality. Plus every single dream of his own.

Holiday question of the day:

If you could give one gift that can't be wrapped -- the realization of a dream, goal, wish, trait -- to one person, what would you give and to whom would you give it?

This post linked to:

Grandma's got a brand-new bag

/

Full disclosure here: Contrary to the post title, this grandma doesn't really have a brand-new bag. What I do have is an

old

bag filled with

new

fun to share with Bubby when I visit him next week.

Here's the deal: Soon after Megan first had Bubby, one little girl in her class regaled Megan with tales of her visiting grandma. A primary reason for the girl's excitement, Megan learned, was the special bag Grandma brought along every time she visited her grandchildren. The bag was filled with all kinds of goodies for the grandchildren to use and share and enjoy during the visit, but the fun was always packed up with Grandma to take home with her, keeping it fresh and exciting for the kids each time.

It sounded like a wonderful idea back when Megan told me, and now that Bubby has reached the age where he'd be delighted by such a thing, I'm copying the idea.

I've gathered together some goodies for the inaugural toting of my very own Gramma's bag to the desert, and here are the nine things I have inside it so far:

Disney movies. It'll take years and years before Bubby is caught up on the wonders of Walt Disney movies, but this time we'll likely fit in at least one, chosen from Wall-E, Robots and Monsters, Inc.

Picture books. I have piles of picture books to review, and a visit with Bubby is the perfect time to try them out on their intended audience.

A Hatch-N-Grow dinosaur egg. I'm willing to bet Bubby will no longer be afraid of the hatching egg and is ready for hatching his own. I think it'll make a difference for Gramma to be there to get things started ... and to bring along the dinosaur hatched from my practice run.

KIDZ BOP Dance Party video game for the Wii. This, too, is a review item I recently received. Considering Bubby's love for the KIDZ BOP CD -- and Megan and Preston's wish for some active games for their new Wii -- I'm thinking this will be the highlight of the bag.

"Mini Disco Set." Along with the dance party game above, I received a rotating mirror ball, LED light and three neon glow-in-the-dark party sticks to really set the dance party vibe. This grandma can't wait to get the party started!

The Original Squirmles. Okay, I still gotta figure out how to make these darn things squirm, but the young man at Bed, Bath and Beyond said they're all the rage with the kids nowadays.

A "Find-It" container. Hidden within a tube filled with beads are shells, nails, Bobby pins, pennys and more that Bubby and I will do our darndest to find all 47 on the list.

An Elmo flash drive for toddlers. Another review item, this nifty little USB drive is already loaded with a "Best of Elmo" video, with space left for me to add photos or videos for Bubby to enjoy anytime Megan will let him plug it in to a USB port on the computer. I'll teach my favorite toddler in the world how to plug it in -- or how to wear it on his wrist when not in use.

Caramel Apple Taffy. THIS is my favorite holiday candy, taffy that is available only for a short time (at least where I live) beginning around Halloween. I figure it can't hurt to share some of Gramma's favorite candy with her favorite grandson.

There's still a week before takeoff, so who knows what may be added. My plan is to keep the bag filled with these items and more so Bubby eagerly anticipates the opening of Gramma's bag during each visit, just as Megan's former student did with her grandma's bag.

Of course, I'm already thinking I may have to relax my rules just a tad and leave an item or two with Bubby when I head home. No sense having the fun (and Elmo flash drive) wasting away, unused in a bag in the closet for months, when a little boy (and his parents) could be enjoying it. Right?

Besides, leaving an item or two will give me more space to add something new to Gramma's bag -- just in time for the Thanksgiving visit!

Today's question:

What do you remember about your grandmother's or mother's bag or purse?